


Happy endings? Never heard of them

by rndm_bway_reference_grl_heere



Series: DEH and BMC crap short fics [4]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Crying, Depression, I wanna make some sad crap leave me alone, I'm still bored, Jared is way mad though, Jared kind of runs away, Jared's sad, M/M, Post-Canon, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, That's for you to decide I guess, Yelling, and mad, but Evan is too soft to be mad, fight, maybe a happy ending??, maybe some trigger warnings, they both are
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-18 00:30:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16984713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rndm_bway_reference_grl_heere/pseuds/rndm_bway_reference_grl_heere
Summary: Cold.It was cold.No, not the nice winter cold. Not the kind of cold that you could easily warm up with just a blanket and hot cocoa. Not the kind of cold where you could wear cute sweaters and stay at home all day by a fire pit and warm up whilst chatting with some friends.No.It's not like that at all.---Jared runs away after the fight.Then everything goes to shit. (Jared has some depressed boi hours)





	Happy endings? Never heard of them

**Author's Note:**

> oof. I'm sorry??? Enjoy??

Cold.

It was cold.

No, not the nice winter cold. Not the kind of cold that you could easily warm up with just a blanket and hot cocoa. Not the kind of cold where you could wear cute sweaters and stay at home all day by a fire pit and warm up whilst chatting with some friends.

No.

It's not like that at all.

Instead, what Jared was feeling, was much, much worse.

It's the kind of cold that sent shivers down your spine, until you were shivering without control. The kind of cold that made your lips turn blue, and your whole body go numb. The kind that almost felt like it was burning your skin, piercing needles through, yet never making a scratch. It's the kind of cold that when you take the slightest breath, it looks like a mini cloud as escaped from you. The kind of cold that you could feel down to your very bone, making your teeth chatter and your whole face turn pink. 

Yeah, that kind of cold.

You could say that was all just a metaphor, or some long dramatic way to explain how he was feeling, but no. In Jared's case, it was completely true. Whether he liked it or not.

Why, though? You ask. He's asking the same question himself.

-

-

-

"It means, that you should remember who your friends are!" Jared all but screams, tears trying to push through.

Evan scoffs, "I thought the only reason you hung out with me was because of your  _car insurance_." There was a certain venom in his every word, making Jared flinch.

Jared winced, his face turning red, "So?"

"Well maybe it's because you don't have any other friends!"

Jared stared at Evan. When had he become so... Heartless? He looked at Evan with a face of betrayal and hurt.

Fuming, Jared starts to take a step closer, jabbing a finger in Evan's chest, "I could tell everyone,  _everything_!" He feels a tear slip down his cheek, but he ignores it. More important matters are at hand.

Evan pushes him back, and yells more. "Go ahead! Do it! Tell everyone how you wrote emails pretending to be a kid who killed himself!"

Jared stumbles back, eyes wide. Tears are definitely about to start flooding through, so he says one more thing before booking it. More like yell one more thing, meanwhile covering his eyes with his arm as he runs away. "Fuck you, Evan!" He wipes a few tears before saying, "Asshole!"

Jared is full on bawling now, turning the corner of the hall. He keeps his hands on his face, trying to stop the tears from coming. Noticing all the people staring, he books it for the outside towards his car.

His vision is going blurry, cheeks stained with tears, his nose running. He ignores it all, though. Jamming the key into the correct hole, he starts the car and drives off.

No looking back. There's no reason to.

-

-

-

 

Looking back on it, at the state he was in, he definitely shouldn't have been driving. Even now, his eyes were still red and puffy, his vision still focusing. And his hands were gripping the steering wheel a little more than they should have.

But he couldn't stop. He just couldn't.

Jared was never usually the runner in situations like these. Usually, he'd stay yelling until he won.

This time, though. He knew he wouldn't be able to. 

And he got scared. So scared of losing his only friend. Scared of going back to before him and Evan. All the lonely days, being left out, not being talked to, being made fun of. Scared of going back to his ways. Skipping meals, going for drives to nowhere and not coming back for hours at a time. Making his parents worry, even though he never thought he was worth being worried about.

For the first time in his life, he was scared. And it was all his fault anyways.

He knew e shouldn't have even have yelled at Evan in the first place. But, he did. And look how that turned out.

Here Jared was, sitting in the back seat of his car, wrapped in the thinnest blanket in the world, trying to preserve his body heat. 

He had already forgotten long ago about where he was or what time it is. He was not even thinking if he was going to live or not. 

No.

He was too busy thinking about how Evan took it. How Evan, the tiny depressed little anxiety-ridden boy to being yelled at. Probably for the first time in his life. 

Jared did that. He yelled at Evan, and ruined their small-but-still-existing relationship. Now Evan would never talk to him again, and he was probably spreading rumors about Jared now. Making Jared look bad, so that no one would ever even attempt to talk to him.

Jared had crushed what was so little a friendship he and Evan had.

It was his fault. Everyone would know that. Even if they didn't, they should. The world should know that Jared Kleinman yelled at poor Evan Hansen, and absolutely destroyed whatever was going on. 

It was all his fault. Nothing could ever change that.

Actually, Evan was probably only a little taken aback, now hanging out with Zoe by a fireplace with some hot cocoa in hand. Evan probably didn't even think twice about the argument. He was probably, most likely, doing perfectly fine. Not giving a shit about Jared, or about how he was doing. He most likely hated Jared anyways. Way before they had even become 'family friends'.

Jared only sniffled, scrunching up as much as he could. 

The cold was coming onto him, making him shiver and sniffle more.

_Nobody'd care._

_Mom and Dad would move on. And the school would hold a small assembly._

_Evan._

_Evan wouldn't bat an eye at it._

_Again, nobody would care if I died._

_Not Evan, not Alana, not anyone._

He shut his eyes harshly as he started to feel his tears come crawling back.

It took him a long moment for him to get back to his senses.

He chuckled slightly, grabbing his phone. He opened it, seeing that there were plenty of frantic messages from his parents. 

Of course his parents. They'd always seem to care about him, but they're obligated to.

Ignoring the messages from his parents, and all the other notifications he'd had, he goes to Evan's contact. He looks at the contact picture -- Evan wearing a small sombrero, smiling at the camera.

It had always been Jared's favorite picture of Evan.

He sighed as he went in to type the message:

|  _theinsanelygay: Good for you, Evan._ |

He really meant it, no sarcasm involved at all, whatsoever.

Evan is happy. Good for him. He achieved what he's always wanted, what Jared's always wanted. For him and for himself.

After all, it was Evan himself who got himself that happiness. He did it all by himself. He worked hard. He made sacrifices. He went through so much. Mostly Jared's fault, even. Despite that, Evan persevered through it all, and still made himself happy.

He deserved to be happy. Not Jared.

Long ago, Jared decided that he'd like Evan to be happy. He loved him, almost. But then, as the years went on, his fear starting to grow, he became much of an asshole.

Jared was the asshole. The villain. He certainly didn't want himself to be, but he somehow managed it.

He deserved no happy endings.

Evan did.

He sighed as he closed his eyes, shivering slightly at the cold. Not only was he cold, but he was quite exhausted as well.

Exhausted from all this caring, crying, madness, depression. He wanted desperately to sleep. 

So, he did.

* * *

Evan had never felt so numb in his life... So... Angry. 

It was new.

And, oh, did he not like new.

He's never yelled in his life, let alone at his mother. He's also never had this weird sort of confidence he didn't have before.

He almost hated it.

Especially now.

He had yelled, plentyof times already; but apparently not enough.

Still had some more going.

And who did he use it on? Who did he manage to hurt this time?

Fucking Jared. Jared Kleinman. 

His only friend. Family friend. Whatever the fuck was happening. They were close enough to be friends, anyways. 

They've known each other for a while, and they hang out sometimes.

Well... Not anymore... But they used to.

They  _were_ friends. Whether they liked it or not.

Jared probably knew more about Evan than anyone else did. Actually, he _definitely_ knew more than anyone.

Yeah. They were pretty close.

And what had Evan done? What had Evan thought would be a cool idea?

Oh, I don't know... Maybe just ruin it? Drive it completely underground, like it never existed in the first place?

\---

Hours after their fight, Evan receives a message.

Who would actually want to talk to him right now? He basically ruined every relationship he had ever had in a span of an hour, so who could  _possibly_ want to talk to him?

Well, Jared, apparently.

The most unlikeliest of them all, wants to talk to him.

Why? He doesn't know.

Hesitantly, he opens the chatroom that Jared had texted him in.

Evan skims over their last conversation just for fun.

|  _treehugger.eh: do you think we could make some more emails?_ |

Yeah. So much fun.

He scrolls down to the most recent message from Jared. He stares at it for a while, unsure if what to say.

|  _theinsanelygay: Good for you._

_treehugger.eh: what?_ |

No reply. Not even read.

Evan sets his phone down on his bedside table. If he's not going to answer, then fine. He certainly doesn't have to.

After a few minutes he received a series of text messages from an unknown number.

He's not usually one to answer numbers he doesn't know, but he's kinda bored and depressed right now, so might as well.

|  _unknown#: hello??_

_unknown#: can you please answer this??_

_unknown#: this is Evan Hansen, right??_

_treehugger.eh: um.. yeah? Who is this?_

_unknown#: oh thank God_

_unknown#: it's Mrs. Kleinman... Something        has happened to Jared..._ |

Oh please, Jared's fine. Probably. Maybe.

...

Oh well shit. Why was his  _mother_ texting him if it wasn't actually serious.

|  _treehugger.eh: wait, what?? What's wrong? Is    he okay???_

  _unknown#: he's gone missing..._

  _unknown#: sorry to bother you darling, I take_ it _you don't know anything..._ |

He didn't mean to sound so frantic, but his anxiety was getting the best of him.

And after a bit of silence, he starts to get even more worried.

|  _treehugger.eh: hello??? Mrs. Kleinman??_ |

After no answer still, he gets up and starts pacing his room.

_What happened to Jared? Where did he go after the fight? Is he okay?_

It only took him a second to figure out that all of this was his fault.

If he hadn't yelled at Jared, Jared would still be here. He wouldn't be missing. Probably just at home watching some stupid porn.

Evan would definitely have that over him going missing.

Evan sat back down on his bed and grabbed his phone, immediately going back to Jared and Evan's chatroom.

|  _treehugger.eh: Jared?? Are you okay??_ |

Still no response.

_Fuck it,_ he thought. He's gonna go find Jared himself.

He went to the phone buddy tracker on his phone, and went to find Jared's contact information. Don't they have a phone tracker on these things?

He opened the app, and found Jared's location:

Ellison Park, Salem, Oregon

Awesome! He's been found!

But what is he doing? Why isn't he answering his phone? Did he drive out there himself? Is he okay?

_Is he okay?_

Without thinking, Evan grabs his jacket and puts his shoes on, running out the door towards his car. Well, mother's car.

Sure, he never liked driving, but it doesn't mean he won't.

Not when he's worried about his best friend.

He steps outside, instantly shivering at the cold, barely even noticing that it was snowing.

He jumps into the car and fumbles with the keys far longer than he wanted to be, finally shoving them in and turning the car on. 

He quickly adjusts the heater off the car to it's highest setting, it was far too cold to be outside right now.

He had to be fast. He didn't exactly know what he was doing.

\---

After about a 15 minute drive to the park, he shuts the car off to start looking.

Should he have told Jared's parents? Probably. However, Evan was too caught up in his own adrenaline to even think about that right now.

The only thing on his mind was whether or not Jared was okay.

He got out of the car, frantically searching the parking lot for Jared's car. It was insanely difficult to see due to the pitch black ESS of the light, so he swiftly got his phone's flashlight out to help him.

After walking to the very end of the parking lot, he spots the car he's looking for.

And it's not on. No lights. No engine. It just looks dead. 

Almost panicking, Evan starts to sprint towards the car, not even bothering to be careful of the ice and snow below.

Once getting to the car, he knocks on the window helplessly, wiping off all the snow and ice that seemed glued to the window already.

He cleared it all successfully, then shined his flashlight into the car.

And there he was.

In the back seat, shivering. He looked deathly asleep, calm and peaceful. Shivering was a sign of life, right?

Even if it wasn't, this was enough to get Evan's hopes to go way up as he dialed 911.

* * *

It had been hours, almost morning by the time Jared's parents had even come to see their boy, laying on the hospital bed, as pale as chalk, never moving.

Evan had stayed the whole time, though. He never left Jared's side since he found him, he didn't want to.

Instead, you could say that he was glued to Jared's side no matter what.

When the doctors told join that he couldn't visit unless he was family, he freaked.

He yelled some more, furious with the doctors for not letting him see Jared. He made sure his point got through, not stopping until he got his way.

He would never leave Jared again. Not unless Jared himself told him to.

So, yeah, he stayed. He never moved in his chair, sitting as still as Jared was.

He was afraid. He was afraid that he might lose Jared. Sure, the doctors said he suffered from minor hypothermia, but he'd be fine. That wasn't enough confirmation, though.

Things could still happen. Bad things. What if they had run the tests wrong? What if he had this hidden cancer thing? What if he was already  _dead_?

No. That couldn't be. He was still sitting there on the bed, sleeping. Breathing. Functioning.

He was alive. But not totally alive.

He wasn't here. He wasn't with Evan. He was asleep, and no one knew when he'd wake up.

_How the hell did this happen?_

Evan could ask himself that question all day, but still know the answer. He dreaded the answer. The truth. The fact that this was all his fault.

He yelled at Jared. He made him runaway. He caused this. He caused this upon Jared. It was his fault.

All Evan ever wanted was to be accepted, have friends and a normal family. He wanted to be happy, carefree.

He never realized that all this was in front of him.

Yeah, he'd liked Zoe. She was awesome. But he barely knew her. She only just recently existed in Evan's life.

He'd liked the Murphy's. They were nice to him, they were a second family.

But it didn't feel right anymore.

It never should have felt right in the first place. All Evan had ever done to them was manipulate and trick them into believing this giant, trash pile if a lie.

No one in the Murphy family had seen Evan's real side. Only the one he made up for them to see.

But who did? Who actually knew Evan Hansen?

He could only think of two people. But they were enough. They knew him more than anyone else had known about him. They knew he had troubles, they knew what he liked, disliked, how bad his anxiety could get. All they had ever really done to him, was try to help him.

And reality hit him like a bus.

Jared Kleinman and Heidi Hansen were his two, greatest, most amazing things in his life.

And what has he done to them so far?

Pushed them out. Ignore them. Yell at them. Make them feel like they were trash. Nothing.

He made them feel the way he was preaching to the world that no one should feel like.

Now, Heidi would never look at him the same. Now she's nervous about his habits, whether or not he was taking his pills, or his next therapy appointment. She barely speaks to him anymore.

And Jared. Jared stopped talking to him completely. Weeks before this incident. Now, he's unconscious and probably on his last string of life.

Why?

Because Evan decided he'd needed to be better than he already had. He thought he didn't have enough, when, in fact, he most definitely did.

Sure, Jared was an asshole sometimes, but he always seemed to stick around.

He was always the one Evan went to for advice. He was there when Evan needed help with the emails. The whole Connor Project.

And right now, he was also the one in the hospital bed, in the deepest sleep closest to death.

Jared's parents finally walked in through the doors, dragging Evan from his thoughts.

He jolted, sitting up straight A's he looked at them both.

" _Where were you?_ " he asks, trying not to sound as angry or as frantic as he felt.

They jumped up a little at the voice, turning to face him.

"Oh my God. Evan, what are you doing here?"

"I was watching your son while waiting for you guys to show up. I was hoping he'd have  _someone_ to wake up to. Whether it was you guys or not." He shrugged, "It didn't seem like you guys were coming, so I stayed and waited."

Evan actually just really wanted to be the person Jared woke up to. Mostly because he could start his three-part apology easier, and without an audience.

Jared's parents srltood there in awe. Then, Jared's mother spoke up, "Well, thank you dear, but I think we could handle him now. You should've probably just gone home. You have school today." Her voice was soft, calming. Evan almost gave in.

"But I really, really wanted to be here when he woke up."

Jared's mother looked at him kindly, then looked at her son. She sighed. "Darling, I don't think he'll be waking up anytime soon, so you could go home..."

Evan almost protested again, but he silently nodded and stood up slowly. He felt exhausted.

He figured that in this time he could go home and start his apology to his mother.

Then tell the Murphy's.

Then when all else had fallen, he'd tell Jared.

He's tell Jared how sorry he was, how much of an idiot he was, and how much he already knew Jared hated him.

He would.

And he'd feel a hell of a lot better than he does now.

 

 


End file.
